Handle with Care.

There are some things said in this post that are delicate to me, so please take what you read and handle it with care.

Pride: 1 : the quality or state of being proud: as a : inordinate self-esteem : conceit b : a reasonable or justifiable self-respect

Proud: 1 : feeling or showing pride: as a : having or displaying excessive self-esteem b : much pleased :exultant c : having proper self-respect*

There is a fine line between good pride and bad pride. And I think this is an issue that is never properly addressed, if ever. Actually, I have never heard anyone else talk about it in this manner.

We are taught throughout elementary school and junior high and high school to have good self-esteem and to respect ourselves, yet at church we are taught to not be prideful or think too highly of ourselves. These are two apparent contradictions, and are never discussed together.

For most of my life, I was shy and unsure of myself. Self-esteem was never a strong point until about half-way through high school. Even now, I need frequent encouragement. I tend to doubt myself, and yet there are times when I am overconfident and prideful. How can this be?! Everyone has their ups and downs, and sometimes when I am discouraged, I cover it up with "my rights." My right to do this and my call to do that. I should be the one doing this because I could do a better job. In reality? I am frustrated with the fact that I am not doing what I feel I am called to do, and it's discouraging. My pride is almost always a show -a way of hiding my true feelings. Sometimes it's hard for me to distinguish between pride and confidence. Why? Because confidence is pride. I need to learn that pride is good - in moderation and humility. You are probably thinking - whoa, how do you have humble pride? Humble: 1 : not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive 2 : reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission. So, it's possible; it's possible to have a humble pride - confidence with a spirit of respect and esteem.

*All definitions taken from m-w.com

Success.

This is a post I started writing a while ago, and never finished. I am interested to see what your thoughts are on it. Please comment! :)

"Do we really explore the possibilities of God?

What's the most exciting thing in your life? Don't answer me, answer straight up to God. Tell Him what is the most exciting thing.

That you become more knowledgeable, make more money, become more fit?

What is the most exciting thing to you?

Is it that day by day you slip in to Him and worship and adore Him?"

-Leonard Ravenhill

So I have been thinking lately about "success." As a recent (although it's really not all that recent anymore....) college grad, I have thought a lot about success as the world defines it. To world, success is (a) having a job (b) having a good/decent paying job (c) enjoying that said job (d) buying things such as a house, or a new car with the money from said job. oh, and don't forget the kids. yes, success is also obtained by finding and marrying the person "of your dreams" and having beautiful children. In conclusion, being single, unemployed, and living with your parents after reception of college degree is highly unsuccessful, and quite loser-ish in the eyes of society.

However, I have come to the realization that God's concept of success is COMPLETELY different.

I just want you to know ...

It's the little things about myself that I want someone to know and love. For instance, tonight I balanced my check book and organized some papers that have been piling up for a month now, and I feel so on top of things! It's not that I feel productive or accomplished, but I feel like me. I thrive off of being organized and on top of things; I can't tell you how freeing it is to have my to-do list shortened, much less finished!! (however, it never seems to be finished .. haha) It is this little aspect of who I am that I want someone to notice and cherish. Not that it is something to be cherished, but because it is who I am.

P.S. This is the type of post where I share my heart, so please don't abuse what you read. :)

Um, WHAT?!

I usually avoid political talk on my online social networks, but this was utterly disturbing to me, and I feel that I need to share.

I apologize if I offend anyone, that is not my intention - AT ALL.

While watching msnbc news, I heard a guy talking about Ted Kennedy and Obama's health care plan. He related the two, and said that he thinks that if Obama uses Ted Kennedy's name to promote the plan, then he has a chance at passing it.

EXCUSE ME?!!! That is disgusting in more ways that ONE! Let's use a DEAD GUY (excuse my disrespect, but I feel that I have more respect than the guy on television), to promote a POLITICAL stance that will change the lives of an ENTIRE NATION?!!

Wow, I am not sure I have heard anything more disrespectful, EVER. Let's use this guy's death to promote our own agenda.

And let me tell ya, if it "works" and it passes, that will be PROOF that the bill will be BEST for our country .. because we want to respect a dead guy. COME ON, PPL!

Oh, one more thing. I am sure that Ted Kennedy was worried about how the health care plan would affect him, considering he was getting the top notch care in America - which WILL decline under this health care program, btw, but he knew he would be long gone before the changes would take effect.

I'm gonna be real for a bit

I think I have come to a realization, and I don't like it. Let me reinforce that statement- I DON'T like it. Here goes ....

I have a lot of friends. But I don't have anyone that calls me "best friend." And it kinda sucks sometimes.

Running out of battery.

First things, first: I have been a major slacker in blogworld, and i send my sincere apologies.

So, my computer is currently running out of battery, literally. I could go plug it in, but I am determined to make this a short, but hopefully meaningful post.

As my computer is running out of battery, so I also feel as though I am running out of power. I have been running on 'battery,' instead of plugging into the one true power source of life. I find my fulfillment in things of this world - material stuff, having fun, being with friends, etc.

I'm done. I no longer want to desire the things of this world. I want to die to my flesh daily. I want to do the LORD's work - no matter if it's part of my 'dream' or not.

As an off subject sidenote that I need to get out:

I am thankful for good friends. (and I had a GREAT time tonight!) But I am sick of putting so much into relationships to not have the same in return. And I am tired of seeing you do it to my sisters and brothers in Christ, too. It's all in your priorities, and your priorities are seen in your actions. If we are gonna be the body of Christ, can we please have the love of Christ and put others first once in a while?! And that love is not supposed to be just for those that you ENJOY hanging out with. Life is about more than having things go perfectly in your little world. Thanks.

Presence.

1 Sam 6:20

"Who can stand in the presence of the LORD, this holy God?”

Psalm 114

1 When Israel came out of Egypt, the house of Jacob from a people of foreign tongue,

2 Judah became God's sanctuary, Israel his dominion.

3 The sea looked and fled, the Jordan turned back;

4 the mountains skipped like rams, the hills like lambs.

5 Why was it, O sea, that you fled, O Jordan, that you turned back,

6 you mountains, that you skipped like rams, you hills, like lambs?

7 Tremble, O earth, at the presence of the Lord, at the presence of the God of Jacob,

8 who turned the rock into a pool, the hard rock into springs of water.

I will fear the LORD's presence.

1 Kings 19:11-13

The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." 
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

The LORD is in the stillness. I will respond with humility and deep respect.

2 Kings 22:14-20

Hilkiah the priest, Ahikam, Acbor, Shaphan and Asaiah went to speak to the prophetess Huldah, who was the wife of Shallum son of Tikvah, the son of Harhas, keeper of the wardrobe. She lived in Jerusalem, in the Second District.

She said to them, "This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: Tell the man who sent you to me, 'This is what the LORD says: I am going to bring disaster on this place and its people, according to everything written in the book the king of Judah has read. Because they have forsaken me and burned incense to other gods and provoked me to anger by all the idols their hands have made, my anger will burn against this place and will not be quenched.' Tell the king of Judah, who sent you to inquire of the LORD, 'This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says concerning the words you heard: Because your heart was responsive and you humbled yourself before the LORD when you heard what I have spoken against this place and its people, that they would become accursed and laid waste, and because you tore your robes and wept in my presence, I have heard you, declares the LORD. Therefore I will gather you to your fathers, and you will be buried in peace. Your eyes will not see all the disaster I am going to bring on this place.' " 


The LORD will hear me when I render my heart and humble myself in the LORD's presence.

Mark 7:24-25

Jesus left that place and went to the vicinity of Tyre. He entered a house and did not want anyone to know it; yet he could not keep his presence secret. In fact, as soon as she heard about him, a woman whose little daughter was possessed by an evil spirit came and fell at his feet.

We cannot deny, or run from the LORD's presence.

Psalm 18:6-17

In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears

The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because he was angry.

Smoke rose from his nostrils; consuming fire came from his mouth, burning coals blazed out of it.

He parted the heavens and came down; dark clouds were under his feet.

He mounted the cherubim and flew; he soared on the wings of the wind.

He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—the dark rain clouds of the sky.

Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced, with hailstones and bolts of lightning.

The LORD thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded.

He shot his arrows and scattered the enemies , great bolts of lightning and routed them.

The valleys of the sea were exposed and the foundations of the earth laid bare at your rebuke, O LORD, at the blast of breath from your nostrils.

He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.

He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me.

In the LORD's presence, I am saved.

Psalm 16:11

You will make known to me the path of life;

In Your presence is fullness of joy;

My favorite part of the LORD's presence. Joy.

Revelation 4:9-11

Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne, and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say:
"You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created
and have their being."

My other favorite part of the LORD's presence. Equality.

Exodus 33:12-15

Moses said to the LORD, "You have been telling me, 'Lead these people,' but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favor with me.' If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people."

The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

Then Moses said to him, "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. . ." [emphasis added]

Desperate for the LORD's presence.

Psalm 89:15

Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O LORD.

May I never leave your presence, O LORD. I will worship you in your presence. I will worship you always.