It's funny how God speaks at just the right time

I had a revelation from God last night. And it actually has everything to do with my last post.

When I was in college, I was taught that human beings are intrinsically evil. I had a real issue with this, mainly because I couldn't wrap my head/heart around the concept that God created evil beings. However, I now believe that we are intrinsically evil beings. But it's not because God created us that way - it's because of the curse of sin! Adam and Eve were not intrinsically evil, but every human after them has been and will be. Why didn't they teach me this in my theology classes? I am pretty sure they did, it simply did not click. :)

So, I am intrinsically evil, but God. God offers redemption. With God, I am on a journey to a restoration of God's intended state and purpose for creation. Because of Christ's death and resurrection, I am able to do so.

I am a dead tree, until God starts working in me, and brings me to life and bears fruit through my life. It has nothing to do with anything I can do on my own, but it is God in me, making me the person God wants me to be - and that person is awesome. God created me to be a fantastic being who carries out God's will. Without God, I am not that person. But with God, I am well on my way to awesomeness. :)

So, in case you haven't gotten the connection with my last post and this one, here it is: Self-esteem should be in correspondence to who you are after Christ's redemption. You should have confidence in who God has created you to be (you without the curse of sin), and all glory should be given to the creator. On the other hand, you must also be humbled by the fact that you are intrinsically evil, and a sinner. Only compare yourself to Christ, and you will realize your failures, yet remember that Christ died so you can be who God created you to be!

Handle with Care.

There are some things said in this post that are delicate to me, so please take what you read and handle it with care.

Pride: 1 : the quality or state of being proud: as a : inordinate self-esteem : conceit b : a reasonable or justifiable self-respect

Proud: 1 : feeling or showing pride: as a : having or displaying excessive self-esteem b : much pleased :exultant c : having proper self-respect*

There is a fine line between good pride and bad pride. And I think this is an issue that is never properly addressed, if ever. Actually, I have never heard anyone else talk about it in this manner.

We are taught throughout elementary school and junior high and high school to have good self-esteem and to respect ourselves, yet at church we are taught to not be prideful or think too highly of ourselves. These are two apparent contradictions, and are never discussed together.

For most of my life, I was shy and unsure of myself. Self-esteem was never a strong point until about half-way through high school. Even now, I need frequent encouragement. I tend to doubt myself, and yet there are times when I am overconfident and prideful. How can this be?! Everyone has their ups and downs, and sometimes when I am discouraged, I cover it up with "my rights." My right to do this and my call to do that. I should be the one doing this because I could do a better job. In reality? I am frustrated with the fact that I am not doing what I feel I am called to do, and it's discouraging. My pride is almost always a show -a way of hiding my true feelings. Sometimes it's hard for me to distinguish between pride and confidence. Why? Because confidence is pride. I need to learn that pride is good - in moderation and humility. You are probably thinking - whoa, how do you have humble pride? Humble: 1 : not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive 2 : reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission. So, it's possible; it's possible to have a humble pride - confidence with a spirit of respect and esteem.

*All definitions taken from m-w.com

Success.

This is a post I started writing a while ago, and never finished. I am interested to see what your thoughts are on it. Please comment! :)

"Do we really explore the possibilities of God?

What's the most exciting thing in your life? Don't answer me, answer straight up to God. Tell Him what is the most exciting thing.

That you become more knowledgeable, make more money, become more fit?

What is the most exciting thing to you?

Is it that day by day you slip in to Him and worship and adore Him?"

-Leonard Ravenhill

So I have been thinking lately about "success." As a recent (although it's really not all that recent anymore....) college grad, I have thought a lot about success as the world defines it. To world, success is (a) having a job (b) having a good/decent paying job (c) enjoying that said job (d) buying things such as a house, or a new car with the money from said job. oh, and don't forget the kids. yes, success is also obtained by finding and marrying the person "of your dreams" and having beautiful children. In conclusion, being single, unemployed, and living with your parents after reception of college degree is highly unsuccessful, and quite loser-ish in the eyes of society.

However, I have come to the realization that God's concept of success is COMPLETELY different.

I just want you to know ...

It's the little things about myself that I want someone to know and love. For instance, tonight I balanced my check book and organized some papers that have been piling up for a month now, and I feel so on top of things! It's not that I feel productive or accomplished, but I feel like me. I thrive off of being organized and on top of things; I can't tell you how freeing it is to have my to-do list shortened, much less finished!! (however, it never seems to be finished .. haha) It is this little aspect of who I am that I want someone to notice and cherish. Not that it is something to be cherished, but because it is who I am.

P.S. This is the type of post where I share my heart, so please don't abuse what you read. :)

Um, WHAT?!

I usually avoid political talk on my online social networks, but this was utterly disturbing to me, and I feel that I need to share.

I apologize if I offend anyone, that is not my intention - AT ALL.

While watching msnbc news, I heard a guy talking about Ted Kennedy and Obama's health care plan. He related the two, and said that he thinks that if Obama uses Ted Kennedy's name to promote the plan, then he has a chance at passing it.

EXCUSE ME?!!! That is disgusting in more ways that ONE! Let's use a DEAD GUY (excuse my disrespect, but I feel that I have more respect than the guy on television), to promote a POLITICAL stance that will change the lives of an ENTIRE NATION?!!

Wow, I am not sure I have heard anything more disrespectful, EVER. Let's use this guy's death to promote our own agenda.

And let me tell ya, if it "works" and it passes, that will be PROOF that the bill will be BEST for our country .. because we want to respect a dead guy. COME ON, PPL!

Oh, one more thing. I am sure that Ted Kennedy was worried about how the health care plan would affect him, considering he was getting the top notch care in America - which WILL decline under this health care program, btw, but he knew he would be long gone before the changes would take effect.

I'm gonna be real for a bit

I think I have come to a realization, and I don't like it. Let me reinforce that statement- I DON'T like it. Here goes ....

I have a lot of friends. But I don't have anyone that calls me "best friend." And it kinda sucks sometimes.

Running out of battery.

First things, first: I have been a major slacker in blogworld, and i send my sincere apologies.

So, my computer is currently running out of battery, literally. I could go plug it in, but I am determined to make this a short, but hopefully meaningful post.

As my computer is running out of battery, so I also feel as though I am running out of power. I have been running on 'battery,' instead of plugging into the one true power source of life. I find my fulfillment in things of this world - material stuff, having fun, being with friends, etc.

I'm done. I no longer want to desire the things of this world. I want to die to my flesh daily. I want to do the LORD's work - no matter if it's part of my 'dream' or not.

As an off subject sidenote that I need to get out:

I am thankful for good friends. (and I had a GREAT time tonight!) But I am sick of putting so much into relationships to not have the same in return. And I am tired of seeing you do it to my sisters and brothers in Christ, too. It's all in your priorities, and your priorities are seen in your actions. If we are gonna be the body of Christ, can we please have the love of Christ and put others first once in a while?! And that love is not supposed to be just for those that you ENJOY hanging out with. Life is about more than having things go perfectly in your little world. Thanks.