here it goes!

I have so much to say - and yet I blog minimally and about silly/fun things.  I think I have figured out why:  in the not-so-back of my head I think that whatever I write has to be perfect and profound.  so unless I have something perfectly prepared in my head, I don't write about it. Well, I hope those days are over!  I want to just write.  no pre-conceived ideas or pretenses about what my blog should be or say.  

I was reading this blog, and loved what God was speaking to her in that moment through her dad:  

"You know what I'm thinking of doing, Angela? I'm thinking of just putting up a blank canvas and just kind of going crazy, you know? Not have a plan for how it's going to turn out, but just get my brushes out and just do it."

Sometimes it's ok, even best, to just let go.  No fear of imperfections or mistakes, or even the final outcome.  Just pure passion and intense action.  [God knows the outcome, and I need to trust God instead of sitting here scared of doing something that will cause the final picture to be disorderly.]

One place I am going to start is with self-discipline.  I am going to give myself a routine, a routine that can be modified, but a routine nonetheless.  I am going to start eating healthier.  This involves preparation and time, as well as quick decisions and sacrifice.  I am going to start exercising on a regular basis.  I am going to have better sleeping habits.  The most important thing I am going to do is set a time for Bible reading and prayer on a regular basis.  I read the Bible and pray, but because my life has no routine, I do it whenever.  Which I still would like to do, but on top of my regular reading a prayer.  

These are things which I need to do on my own.  I have accountability with several of these things, and I am so thankful for that because I need it.  However, ultimately I need to be doing these things because I want to, and my desire to do these things must come from pure motives, motives that are grounded in living my life as a sacrifice unto God.  Selfless reasons.  Humble ambitions.  I don't want to do these things because it's expected of me.  And I also do not want to do these things in order to someday reach perfection, but my desire behind these aspirations is so that I might be all that I was created to be -which is disgusting without the redemption of Christ.  

Oh, and for your enjoyment:  my dear friend Ju-Ju let me use her snuggie during my visit, and it was only appropriate to adorn it with her rosary.  :)